FAQ for Adulterers
Rejected addition to the Blowfish Ordering FAQ.
Dear adulterers of either sex,
Blowfish is nothing if non-judgmental. Therefore, the fact that you are cheating on your spouse is of no concern to us. Conversely, we are not specifically set up to make cheating easy and convenient.
Thus, we would like to offer you some tips on making your adultery experience much more enjoyable in the long-term:
- Get a separate address for your orders — You would be astonished how many people have their lover's order shipped directly to their home, in the assumption that their husband/spouse/partner will not be home or will simply not be curious about this box. This assumption is very, very wrong. PO boxes are available from just about evey post office. Private Mailbox firms (PMBs, for those in the know) have long experience in the area of people doing things they ought not to be doing. Avail yourself of their expertise.
- Get a separate credit card for your orders — Our rule is that, if a caller can give us a complete credit card number, we will tell that caller about any order placed using it, including the harness and dildo you had sent to Peggy in Pismo Beach, or the Aneros you had sent to Carl in Carlsbad. We will give them, happily (perhaps even gleefully, depending on the call), the full delivery address and telephone number. A moment's thought will reveal how this might be a bit awkward.
- Once you have this separate credit card, have the bill sent to the above PO Box or PMB — You would be astonished how many people have the credit card bill, full of hotel room rentals on nights they were working late, purchases from fine firms such as us, and other information that had not been disclosed to their spouse, sent directly to the home that they share with this spouse. If you think that the spouse will not open this bill, see the first point. If you are curious what will happen when the spouse calls our 800 number to ask about these charges, see the second point.
- No, we won't promise that nothing will ever be sent to your billing address — One of our Fundamental Rules is that, if you ship an order to an address other than the billing address of the credit card, we may (or may not) send a receipt to the billing address. We do this because, in the case of credit card fraud, it lets the would-be fraudster know that the person whose card it is might be informed of the charge. To be blunt, our fraud control is more important to us than your affair. Consider this little bit of education in how to take responsibility for your own privacy to be just one more service we offer you, at no additional charge.
- We understand your marriage is important to you (you wouldn't be cheating on your spouse if it wasn't, right?), but please don't lie to your spouse when confronted — A not-inconsiderable portion of the disputed credit card charges that we receive follow the pattern of: "I found this charge on my credit card and my husband says he never placed that order and we'd never buy anything so filthy and perverted and we want the charge reversed now, you horrible people!" "OK, Ma'am, let me look that up. (clickity, click click click) Do you know a Tina Tartt in Toluca Park?" (awkward pause) "I'll call you back." We always win those disputes, and you've just made a bad situation worse.
We hope you have found these instructions informative. Once you are divorced, we have a wide selection of toys suitable for masturbation, for both sexes. Let us know your new address, so we can keep sending you our catalog.
posted 07:55